Fugly Friday - Pre Halloween edition (2)

Okay, I'll have to be honest. Maybe the reason I like this for Fugly Friday is that I sort of feel that Barbie belongs in something like this anyway.

[Fugly Friday is having technical difficulties. I will upload the pic as soon as I can, but in the mean time, you can check out the link here.]

But....seriously. I applaud the effort, I really do. But let's be reasonable here. No kid is actually going to put this on her Barbie. Regardless of how you feel about the blonde bit....bombshell, the days when kids will put something hand made on their trendy toys are over. If you knit a fantastic mini-shawl, they wouldn't put up with it. We're just not cool enough for that anymore.
Free pattern here.
I mummified a Barbie for a school project once. I think that's a much better use of the thing.

Fugly Friday - Pre Halloween edition

I figured there had to be some fugly Halloween knits out there. But I have to say, most of them are pretty cute or clever.

These, for example, aren't really so bad. They're supposed to be knitted ghosts.

Supposed to be. But then.....they kind of look like something else. Something kind of personal. With eyes.

I just have to say.....no.

Just....no.

That is all.

Fugly Friday - Poppies

Now, in general, I have nothing against knitted flowers. In the appropriate place, like a felted bag, they can be quite cute. However. They do not belong here.

They simply do not.
These are the Perky Poppy Pins on magknits, courtesy of Lorna. As felted flowers, I have no problem with them whatsoever. They are a bit big for my tastes, but on the right bag, a smaller version could be kind of cute.
Let me reiterate. They do not belong there, especially with that name. At least there are three and not two. I hope that doesn't imply anything.
Keep sending the fuglies.

The Tooth Fairy So Owes Me (Fugly Friday)

I mean, I know I didn't save them and put them under my pillow or anything, but getting those wisdom teeth out yesterday was way worse than losing baby teeth. Tooth Fairy, we need to have a talk.

Despite my being a baby, it didn't go that badly. I had three total, only two needed out, one was impacted. I can't even feel the one that wasn't impacted at this point, but the lower one is a serious pain. Also, my cheeks are still puffy like a chipmunk. Other than the localized pain, I'm feeing just fine.

I thought I would do something tooth - related in honor of my dearly departed, but despite the prevalance of knitted body parts out there, it was surprisingly hard to find.

I found this, but it's actually pretty cute.

The best truly fugly tooth-related thing I could find was the Baby's First Teratoma, which includes teeth, but I enjoy it for the irony that is clearly intended.

So if you have something better, let me know. Otherwise I'm going to go back to being drugged up on the couch.

Fugly Friday - Cover Edition

Today's fugly comes to you from no less than the cover of Knit.1 magazine.

Hat hair wasn't bad enough. Now we have full head-cover hair. Exactly what I need this winter.
Now look. I get the helmet liners if you perhaps, say, wear a helmet from time to time. Personally, it doesn't really come up much for me. But what is going on here? Not to mention that there's a version inside in silver that has weird ear circles. Judging from last week's fugly as well, I'm beginning to suspect there's an impending alien invasion and the designers just haven't informed us yet. Shouldn't we maybe add some tinfoil?
Although there are a few cute things in this issue, most of them are just pretty darn weird. And that's considering that this magazine is usually on the cusp of poor taste. It's worth browsing in the store for a laugh. But if this is what the "hip 18-35 year old knitter" is supposed to like, consider me tragically unhip.

My heart needs some fugly.....

Luckily our friend the DancingFish sent me these. I had seen some things like this in Vogue Knitting, and wanted to post them, but she saved me all the work. Thanks!

Aparently chunky knits are big this season, but someone took this to the extreme. While I understand that skinny people are the only ones who can really get away with wearing them, I wonder how these stick-thin models manage to support the weight. It's sad, really.

This poor girl couldn't find her scarf and had to wear an afghan instead.

She looks pretty angry about it, but I suppose I would be too.

This one is from the Derelicte line. Is it a coat? Is it a dress? Is a giant knit garbage bag? It's anyone's guess.

I can't tell if those are sleeves, or bizarre extensions of the pattern. She might also have a dragon wrapped around her neck, it's hard to tell.

And I've saved the best for last.

What on earth is going on here? Aliens have landed, wrapped our heads in some sort of poncho that covers our faces and has knit in mittens. This might be more effective than a straight jacket. At least she has better shoes than the rest of them.
Anyone want to guess what the gauge is on these things?

Definition of Fugly -- Contest!

Carol asks, "Hey, for a 'Newbie' what constitutes a Fugly? "

Good question, Carol.

Fugly Friday started as an homage to the late, great You Knit What? blog. They used the word frequently to describe anything that was "effing ugly." My rule of thumb is that if it makes me ask, "You knit what?" it qualifies for Fugly Friday.

This got me thinking, though. Just like Cute Overload has the Rules of Cuteness, I think we should work up some rules of fugly. Or at least guidelines. What would you like to add? And hey, let's make it a contest. A random winner will be selected from everyone who makes it on the list. And let's have pictures to illustrate. As usual, the email is theoriesofstring[removethis]@gmail[removethis].com.

Here's what I have so far:

There is no good reason for the item to exist.

If there is a good reason for the item to exist, it should not be hand knit.

A garment does not appear to be designed to fit the human body.

It is flagrantly the wrong size and you finish it anyway.

It often involves fun fur.

It is made in an extremely impractical fashion.

It is made with extremely impractical materials.

What else have you got?

I (heart) Fugly Friday

Vicki sends this submission:

It's on a random Japanese blog here. Don't ask me what any of it says; I have no idea. But it does appear to be a vaguely anatomically correct heart. Again, I really don't know why. It makes me wonder why someone hasn't knit an entire body with all the correct knitted organs. There certainly seem to be a lot of them out there. I'm sure it would be a great toy for future doctors to play with.
I like this idea far too much for my own good.
This comes at about the same time that Barb mentioned the knitted uterus. In fact, Kate already knit it, and won her own Fugly Friday (or Monday, whoever is keeping track).
Don't forget, if you make something fugly, be sure to submit a pic and win some yarn from my stash.

Fugly Friday called in sick last week

Sorry about that. It will be back this week.

Fugly Friday - Apple Jacket

This was floating around the socknitters list last week, and I thought it was pretty funny.

It's actually kind of cute, and there's a chance that you might actually save some bruising on your apple by using these.

But part of me still screams - you knit what?

A (very) brief search did not turn up a pattern, but I did find several etsy sites selling them for about $15 each. That's the part that really boggles the mind. That can't take more than an hour and some leftovers to knit. If you find a pattern, link it. I may do it for novelty purposes.

Fugly Friday - the Late Edition

Sorry guys, I know it's late in the day. But at least it's still Friday for quite a bit.

Today's submission comes from Vicki, found at the bottom of this page. (No pattern, sorry.)

Um....they're kidding, right? This is a joke? Because it would be a pretty good one.

I'm generally not into knitting things for the sake of knitting things. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. But at some point, someone decided they wanted to knit a high-heeled shoe.

Okay. If that's what you want to do, if that's what you really feel is missing from your wardrobe, okay. Knit it.

But why the weird stripes?

And why, for the love of god, pompoms?

Why with a sock that doesn't match? And more importantly, why isn't the sock at least handknit? If you're going to go to all that trouble to cover an uncomfortable shoe with knitting, you'd think you'd at least want a comfortable handknit sock.

How are those weird ropes attached? And why?

Is anyone else as confused as I am?

Fugly Friday

Busy day today, so I'm slacking off with Fugly Friday.
One of my favorite bloggers is of course, Wendy of Knit and Tonic.
Never afraid to poke fun at herself, she has an entire collection of what she deems "FO...the Losers."
Some of them aren't so bad, but some of them, well....are.
But her commentary is worth the price of admission, and we've all done things like that before. Go check it out. And start reading her blog too, if you don't already.

It's Not Even Friday Anywhere

How could I have missed Fugly Friday? Well, I got a little busy. Cleaning the stash sent me off cleaning the entire apartment. Not just cleaning, cleansing, as I've removed bags of stuff for charity. I should not be allowed to watch Oprah, that's all I have to say.

Apparently the Fugly Friday contest has run its course, since I haven't gotten any new submissions this week. It's still open, should you knit something fugly or find something really bad on the internet. And now the stash is all up there on the link and badge, so you can see exactly what you could win.

For example, you might find a picture like this:

It's the Punk Jacket from Crystal Palace. Perhaps the punks elsewhere in the world are very different from the ones I knew when I dabbled in punk in high school. But I don't know anyone who would wear this. Especially not those cooler-than-thou punk kids. (Well, okay, maybe I know one person, but she's definitely not a punk.)

Everything about this is wrong. The shape is wrong, the sleeves are wrong, the stripes are wrong, and for the love of god, the yarn is wrong. Could we please, as a knitting community, ban fun fur? Please? At least on garments for people over the age of seven?

This Could So Easily Be Misinterpreted

Carrie sends this link as a submission for Fugly Friday - and I so agree. She says it's just the picture. I think it's far worse than that.
It's the Coronado Beach Thongs, exclusively from Berroco:

Now, I am not one of those people who has ever called any form of a footwear a "thong." In fact, I was in college when I first found that some people did. I found out in a pretty terrifying way. I was doing some research on Long Island, which has a great many beaches. My elderly male professor turned to me and one of my classmates and asked us if we knew where to buy thongs.
I'll let you process that.
I was stunned, horrified, confused. He clarified, but not before life-threatening mental images were seared into my brain.
I still never think of footwear first when I hear that word. They are flip-flops, they are sandals, but they are never, ever thongs.
And the trouble with this picture is that it also takes you a minute to process that the white cardboard thing is supposed to be foot. And given that it's cloth, well, it sort of looks like it could be that other kind of thong, doesn't it?

*EDIT* Kate says, (and Barb seconds) "So many things I don't understand...like, are the soles to this footware contraption? There don't seem to be. And why does it hook aroud the second toe? And, why exactly would you want to spend time creating these again?"
Judging from the pattern, no, there really don't seem to be any soles to these. I have absolutely no idea why. As for the other questions, you're completely on your own there.
Also, if you really want to complete the mental image, my prof looked a little like Mr. Rogers.

Fugly Friday the 13th

This week's Fugly Friday is brought to you by Carrie!

First she submits this poncho:

And once again, the look says it all. Myself, I am not a fan of the poncho as a fashion item to begin with. Maybe because it so often comes out this way.

Also, some sort of wrap?

I'm not entirely sure what's going on here. But it's definitely a winner.

She also sent in some pictures of a hat and a flowered scarf, but they weren't bad at all. I saw nothing at all wrong with the hat, and the scarf was on her blog. It's kind of obnoxious, but in a cute way.

So, Carrie, you win! Let us know what patterns these were so we can all avoid them.

Fugly Monday (Amanda)

Now, Amanda thinks this bag she knit is fugly. Personally, I think it could be a lot worse. But, she deserves a post because

IT'S HER BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!

So go hassle her and say hi. She wins the contest/gets birthday presents.

Her commentary on this is pretty funny though, she claims that it is "like a spotted cow that mated with a zebra - only worse." I suspect that yarn is acrylic, but she doesn't say.

The purse's fate is unknown, because, "This beauty got "donated" to the salvation army before I left the Bend. I'm sure that they think that I should have also stuffed it with a cash donation too, as I really should have paid someone to take it off my hands." I'm sure someone who's into zebras really loves it. They may be 5, but hey.

Also, have you guys ever heard the sound a zebra makes? Go here and have a listen.

Lion Brand Homespun Poncho

If that doesn't let you know what's coming, I don't know what does. It's Fugly Friday!
Featuring Jen! She's in her intentionally fugly crazy cat lady outfit from Halloween.
Jen says, "A couple friends and I always talk about how we will never be married and will end up as crazy cat ladies someday. This being the case, I decided to dress up as a crazy cat lady last Halloween. A crazy cat lady would, of course, make her own poncho out of some Lion Brand Homespun, so that's what I did. Some people actually thought the poncho was cute, but with the whole costume, I think it might be slightly fugly. "

I have to say, that is an excellent idea for a costume. I really like the attached cats. It's like the poncho has started devouring them!
And of course, the piece de resistance.....throwing the cats at someone.

You wouldn't be a crazy cat lady if you didn't.

Also, go check out Jen's etsy shop. She has some heartbreakingly beautiful hand dyed yarns (heartbreaking because I really can't buy them right now). I'm generally not into the patriotic themed things, but this Mr. Smith Goes to Washington is gorgeous. Well, okay, all of them are....

Fugly....Tuesday?

Seriously, with all the great submissions I've been getting, there need to be more days of the week that start with "F." Do you think anyone would support my lobby for Fruesday? (Yes, Fuesday would work too, but Fruesday sounds funnier. Try it.)

Robin, who normally has impeccable taste in patterns (seriously, I've commented on this many times), has sent me these two beauties. One can be seen on her blog here.

I think the look says it all. Fair warning, it's the "Waterlily Top from Interweave Knits [Spring '06] in Colinette Giotto." So, maybe we should all stay away from that one. Also, from anyone with that look. I'm scared even from here. Honestly, it could be worse, though.

This one - I wish there was a front view. (Bonus points if you send one, Robin.) But I'm still a fan.

Aparently, it's "Lambada" from the Cotton Braid Collection. Robin says, "My husband had me posing hitting the punching bag to signify my distaste for it." Bad fit? Check. Droopy armholes? Check. Random hood? Check. This one's a winner.

Press!

I had no idea about this until winner Susan M. commented about it - the Fugly Friday contest was mentioned on the She-Knits podcast. Cool! Thanks, podcaster Sharon. (Also, go see Sharon's etsy shop; I could get in some trouble there.)

For those of you coming over from there, welcome! The contest is a continuing homage to late, great You Knit What?, which catalogued scary knits and called them fugly. I realized I had a few of those I had actually knit, and I figure you guys do too. Have you knit one? Send me a pic (or several) to the email up top, and if you win, you'll get your own Fugly Friday post. You'll also get yarn from my stash! (No could about it - winning = yarn. Winning is not guaranteed, though.)

The Whole Fugly Family

Well, the family isn't fugly at all, I just like alliteration.

Susan M. submits this picture of her nearest and dearest in some furry hand-knits.

She says, "I can definitely win your fugly Friday contest with my picture. I'm emailing you the picture of my drunken family in the collection I knitted. The poncho is Bernat Galaxy, with 2 fun fur hats and an earflap beanie on my sister. The whole collection was much more interesting when drunk...... "

Well, I'm not drunk, but it's still pretty interesting. Bonus points for using the entire family. This is definitely a winner. I particularly like the raccoon striping on (what I assume is) her father's hat. And what exactly is going with that bottle/giant glass, Susan M.?

Overall, you do the Mrs. Clause sweater proud.

Email me at the adress up top to discuss your prize.

Keep submitting for the fugly contest! I've been getting some great ones, and they will probably all make an appearance eventually. (I'm thinking twice a week or so.) Which means if you win, you get yarn! Yay yarn!

*EDIT* Also, Kate just got her present. Go say hi, and see what awesome things I really do send out.