My Life as a Sitcom

I'm not particularly injury prone, but luckily for you, when I do get injured, it's usually pretty funny.
Remember when I sprained my ankle? Apparently this was pre-blogging days. That's a subject for another post (if you're interested). Let's just say it involved a crosswalk, a high speed police chase across campus, an air cast, and a policeman backing into a fire hydrant. In retrospect, it's hysterical. (Actually, it was even pretty funny at the time.)
The current injury is not quite as good, but the events surrounding it certainly deserve a chuckle.
So, yesterday, I was working on my talk for the presentation today. I decided I needed a soda, since caffeine is the life blood of all academic endeavors. I went down to the floor that had the vending, got my Diet Pepsi (which has less caffeine than Diet Coke, sadly) and started walking out. There's a little tiled area in front of the vending and the ice machine, and then it goes back into the hallway carpeting. There's also apparently a large puddle from the ice machine directly at that intersection of flooring. The area was not well lit, and slipped right into that puddle.
I crashed and burned. Literally, rug burned a bit on my hand and arm, and seriously twisted up my knee. It hurt a lot. For some reason, my body's reaction to pain is nausea, and I sat there on the floor for about 5 minutes while I regained composure. I limped to the hall phone and reported the incident to the front desk immediately. They did an incident report, etc, etc, and brought me some tylenol.
Later that night, about 11:30 locally, I got really hungry. I would have walked down to the convienience store nearby, but that would have involved walking. Walking was definitely not on the agenda. Room service ended at 10 (not cool). I got a hold of a pizza place, and got a small pizza delivered right to my room. I ate a few pieces, and set the rest on the desk, since there wasn't even a mini-bar in the room.
Now, about that time, I had started seeing a few ants around the room. Okay, ants could come from anywhere. It's summer, one or two here or there, not really a big deal.
Except it was a really big deal. Even though it was the night before my presentation, the combination of the caffeine from earlier, and the pain of getting the caffeine earlier, I couldn't sleep. At about 4 am, I went to get another slice of pizza, and found the pizza box teeming with ants.
And not just the box. The entire room. I picked up my cell phone from that same desk, opened it up, and there were ants crawling in it. They were crawling in my computer bag. They were everywhere. They were in the bed. Let me repeat that.
There were ANTS in my BED.
I called the front desk. There were no other rooms, but they did offer to come up and clean it right away. Well, what else could I do? I suppose I could have demanded they pay for another hotel, but how would I have limped there? I couldn't stand to stay in the room while they cleaned. The thought of ants everywhere, in all my stuff, all over my bed, was too much. I sat in the lobby reading webcomics until about 5:30 am, when they were finished. It still creeped me out, but I did eventually fall asleep, about one hour before my wakeup call.
I asked for two wakeup calls, but for some reason, didn't get the second one. They had already agreed to give me a ride to my meeting tomorrow (since it would have been a 15 minute walk while not shambling like a zombie), and I didn't wake up until I got that call. At any rate, they were all very nice about things, and opened up the little gift shop to get me some snacks, since I was now out one pizza. This morning, they also met me with coffee.
I'm sure they're afraid I'm going to sue or something, but I'm not too worried about it. I'm pretty sure it's just a strain. They've been really accomodating about everything, but dude, my knee hurts, and it's spreading into my hip from limping. And there were ants in my bed.
If I keep doing things like this, I'm going to have to write a sitcom. It will be required by law.