Stop the silence, stop the violence

Kate rocks. She is funny, smart (an MD!), gorgeous, friendly, a whole hell of a lot of fun to be around, and she knows her knitting. Not only is she all that and a bag of chips, she's also one of the most courageous people I've ever known.
Kate is speaking out, as a survivor of sexual assault and abuse. And not only has she not crawled in a hole and hidden from the world for the rest of her life, she's also off residenting (I know that's not a real word, but I like it anyway) in psychiatry.
I am floored. I don't know how a human being can have that much strength. I really don't have the words to express it.
So I'm doing what I do best, and that's knit. Because after all, she deserves a damn scarf. I've yet to come up with the appropriate pattern and symbolism, and I doubt I ever will. But I'm going try, and I'm going to knit just the same.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's time. It's time that, as a society, we step up and say this is not at all acceptable.
It's time to stop the violence.
And it's time to stop the silence.
One is not going to happen without the other. Kate is more than doing her part. Let's do what we can.
I know we knit for everything. We knit for breast cancer, we knit for poverty in all parts of the world, we knit for a friend that's having a bad day. Let's knit for this too.
Knit for Kate. Knit for the 1 in 4 women this will happen to at some point in their lifetimes. Email me at theoriesofstring[removethis]@gmail[removethis].com to start the campaign. I'm going to find a charity that supports survivors of abuse, and I'm going to start a drive for all sorts of knitted items.
Survivors of the world, you are not alone. We love you. We care. And we are going to put our needles where our mouths are.
And just to encourage you, everyone who contributes will get a reward, likely from my stash. (Not that you should need it, because this is a damn good cause anyway.)

Definition of Fugly -- Contest!

Carol asks, "Hey, for a 'Newbie' what constitutes a Fugly? "

Good question, Carol.

Fugly Friday started as an homage to the late, great You Knit What? blog. They used the word frequently to describe anything that was "effing ugly." My rule of thumb is that if it makes me ask, "You knit what?" it qualifies for Fugly Friday.

This got me thinking, though. Just like Cute Overload has the Rules of Cuteness, I think we should work up some rules of fugly. Or at least guidelines. What would you like to add? And hey, let's make it a contest. A random winner will be selected from everyone who makes it on the list. And let's have pictures to illustrate. As usual, the email is theoriesofstring[removethis]@gmail[removethis].com.

Here's what I have so far:

There is no good reason for the item to exist.

If there is a good reason for the item to exist, it should not be hand knit.

A garment does not appear to be designed to fit the human body.

It is flagrantly the wrong size and you finish it anyway.

It often involves fun fur.

It is made in an extremely impractical fashion.

It is made with extremely impractical materials.

What else have you got?

I (heart) Fugly Friday

Vicki sends this submission:

It's on a random Japanese blog here. Don't ask me what any of it says; I have no idea. But it does appear to be a vaguely anatomically correct heart. Again, I really don't know why. It makes me wonder why someone hasn't knit an entire body with all the correct knitted organs. There certainly seem to be a lot of them out there. I'm sure it would be a great toy for future doctors to play with.
I like this idea far too much for my own good.
This comes at about the same time that Barb mentioned the knitted uterus. In fact, Kate already knit it, and won her own Fugly Friday (or Monday, whoever is keeping track).
Don't forget, if you make something fugly, be sure to submit a pic and win some yarn from my stash.

It's Not Even Friday Anywhere

How could I have missed Fugly Friday? Well, I got a little busy. Cleaning the stash sent me off cleaning the entire apartment. Not just cleaning, cleansing, as I've removed bags of stuff for charity. I should not be allowed to watch Oprah, that's all I have to say.

Apparently the Fugly Friday contest has run its course, since I haven't gotten any new submissions this week. It's still open, should you knit something fugly or find something really bad on the internet. And now the stash is all up there on the link and badge, so you can see exactly what you could win.

For example, you might find a picture like this:

It's the Punk Jacket from Crystal Palace. Perhaps the punks elsewhere in the world are very different from the ones I knew when I dabbled in punk in high school. But I don't know anyone who would wear this. Especially not those cooler-than-thou punk kids. (Well, okay, maybe I know one person, but she's definitely not a punk.)

Everything about this is wrong. The shape is wrong, the sleeves are wrong, the stripes are wrong, and for the love of god, the yarn is wrong. Could we please, as a knitting community, ban fun fur? Please? At least on garments for people over the age of seven?

Fugly Friday the 13th

This week's Fugly Friday is brought to you by Carrie!

First she submits this poncho:

And once again, the look says it all. Myself, I am not a fan of the poncho as a fashion item to begin with. Maybe because it so often comes out this way.

Also, some sort of wrap?

I'm not entirely sure what's going on here. But it's definitely a winner.

She also sent in some pictures of a hat and a flowered scarf, but they weren't bad at all. I saw nothing at all wrong with the hat, and the scarf was on her blog. It's kind of obnoxious, but in a cute way.

So, Carrie, you win! Let us know what patterns these were so we can all avoid them.

Fugly Monday (Amanda)

Now, Amanda thinks this bag she knit is fugly. Personally, I think it could be a lot worse. But, she deserves a post because

IT'S HER BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!

So go hassle her and say hi. She wins the contest/gets birthday presents.

Her commentary on this is pretty funny though, she claims that it is "like a spotted cow that mated with a zebra - only worse." I suspect that yarn is acrylic, but she doesn't say.

The purse's fate is unknown, because, "This beauty got "donated" to the salvation army before I left the Bend. I'm sure that they think that I should have also stuffed it with a cash donation too, as I really should have paid someone to take it off my hands." I'm sure someone who's into zebras really loves it. They may be 5, but hey.

Also, have you guys ever heard the sound a zebra makes? Go here and have a listen.

Lion Brand Homespun Poncho

If that doesn't let you know what's coming, I don't know what does. It's Fugly Friday!
Featuring Jen! She's in her intentionally fugly crazy cat lady outfit from Halloween.
Jen says, "A couple friends and I always talk about how we will never be married and will end up as crazy cat ladies someday. This being the case, I decided to dress up as a crazy cat lady last Halloween. A crazy cat lady would, of course, make her own poncho out of some Lion Brand Homespun, so that's what I did. Some people actually thought the poncho was cute, but with the whole costume, I think it might be slightly fugly. "

I have to say, that is an excellent idea for a costume. I really like the attached cats. It's like the poncho has started devouring them!
And of course, the piece de resistance.....throwing the cats at someone.

You wouldn't be a crazy cat lady if you didn't.

Also, go check out Jen's etsy shop. She has some heartbreakingly beautiful hand dyed yarns (heartbreaking because I really can't buy them right now). I'm generally not into the patriotic themed things, but this Mr. Smith Goes to Washington is gorgeous. Well, okay, all of them are....

Fugly....Tuesday?

Seriously, with all the great submissions I've been getting, there need to be more days of the week that start with "F." Do you think anyone would support my lobby for Fruesday? (Yes, Fuesday would work too, but Fruesday sounds funnier. Try it.)

Robin, who normally has impeccable taste in patterns (seriously, I've commented on this many times), has sent me these two beauties. One can be seen on her blog here.

I think the look says it all. Fair warning, it's the "Waterlily Top from Interweave Knits [Spring '06] in Colinette Giotto." So, maybe we should all stay away from that one. Also, from anyone with that look. I'm scared even from here. Honestly, it could be worse, though.

This one - I wish there was a front view. (Bonus points if you send one, Robin.) But I'm still a fan.

Aparently, it's "Lambada" from the Cotton Braid Collection. Robin says, "My husband had me posing hitting the punching bag to signify my distaste for it." Bad fit? Check. Droopy armholes? Check. Random hood? Check. This one's a winner.

Press!

I had no idea about this until winner Susan M. commented about it - the Fugly Friday contest was mentioned on the She-Knits podcast. Cool! Thanks, podcaster Sharon. (Also, go see Sharon's etsy shop; I could get in some trouble there.)

For those of you coming over from there, welcome! The contest is a continuing homage to late, great You Knit What?, which catalogued scary knits and called them fugly. I realized I had a few of those I had actually knit, and I figure you guys do too. Have you knit one? Send me a pic (or several) to the email up top, and if you win, you'll get your own Fugly Friday post. You'll also get yarn from my stash! (No could about it - winning = yarn. Winning is not guaranteed, though.)

The Whole Fugly Family

Well, the family isn't fugly at all, I just like alliteration.

Susan M. submits this picture of her nearest and dearest in some furry hand-knits.

She says, "I can definitely win your fugly Friday contest with my picture. I'm emailing you the picture of my drunken family in the collection I knitted. The poncho is Bernat Galaxy, with 2 fun fur hats and an earflap beanie on my sister. The whole collection was much more interesting when drunk...... "

Well, I'm not drunk, but it's still pretty interesting. Bonus points for using the entire family. This is definitely a winner. I particularly like the raccoon striping on (what I assume is) her father's hat. And what exactly is going with that bottle/giant glass, Susan M.?

Overall, you do the Mrs. Clause sweater proud.

Email me at the adress up top to discuss your prize.

Keep submitting for the fugly contest! I've been getting some great ones, and they will probably all make an appearance eventually. (I'm thinking twice a week or so.) Which means if you win, you get yarn! Yay yarn!

*EDIT* Also, Kate just got her present. Go say hi, and see what awesome things I really do send out.

Fugly......Monday?

Yep, Fugly Monday. There are too many good submissions for the Fugly Contest that I just can't wait till Friday.
As usual, Kate is a first responder (she's a doctor/former EMT).
Here's what she submits as fugly.

"My aunt’s knitted uterus. Bonus points for the fact that it’s hot pink chunky weight acrylic."
Bonus points indeed. Also, bonus points for being on your shelf.

But it's not so bad as far as body parts go.


She also submits "The awful fun fur ducks that I made for my friend Robin before her first grade class did their unit on hatching chicks."


Normally, I am anti-fun fur, but I think these are kind of cute, even if they do look a little sad.
Uh, do they have wings, though? Maybe that is a bit disturbing.

Also, she says, "And the sock itself isn’t so fugly (it’s the very first full pair of socks I knit. They each had a cancer awareness ribbon on the side; I did them for my friend’s mom when she did the Avon 3Day), but, I think it funny because it’s on the dog."


It's not fugly at all, but Maggie is just too cute not to post. Seriously, she may be the cutest dog ever (you should see her chase - and catch - her tail). I demand more pictures of Maggie on Kate's blog.

Kate does not win anything from my stash.
Instead, she wins something brand new I was thinking about sending her as a housewarming/miss you present after her big move anyway. This just totally justifies it.
But I'm not going to tell her what just yet, or that would ruin the surprise.

Keep sending the fuglies! There's no limit.

Fugly Friday - and Contest!

Of course it's fugly Friday. You didn't think I'd let you down just because I'm off cavorting with sexy new yarns, did you?
Today I bring you something that truly makes me cringe. These are not fugly in and of themselves. In some (read: unused) lights, they're kind of cute. I'm sure it was very useful, perhaps necessary, back in the day, but the thought of making it modern times truly horrifies me.

It's knitted diapers. Well, okay, knitted diaper covers, I guess, but it will all work out the same in the end (especially on that end). They're called "knitted soakers," so that kind of tells you just what they're going to be used for.
It's actually from a really nice site, Glamarama's vintage knitting patterns. There are some really cute patterns there (like this sexy blouse). (Also, there are some very silly hats , which might get their own post later.) But....I just couldn't do this to my knitting. Babies do a lot of gross things. I have enough issues with the thought of a baby barfing on a sweater. This is why I will only make baby things out of washable yarns.
I'm sure things like this and cloth diapers are wonderful and lovely and good for the environment and will pamper your baby's bottom, etc, etc. But you're making something the kid is going to poop on. And not just any poop, technicolor baby poop.
No, no, my friends. We have moved past an age where these should be knit. (Or at the very least, used.) Make something that collects less disgusting body fluids.

Also, in a blantant attempt to destash, I've decided to host an ongoing fugly contest. Have you personally knitted something fugly (like my Mrs. Clause sweater)? Or something that started out all right but has gone horribly, comically wrong? Send me a pic. If I use it, you could win fun things from my stash. Enter as many times as you like. Void where prohibited by law, and all that.
What's in my stash? Some good stuff, I assure you, and I promise not to send you the Red Heart Acrylic. (Unless you want the Red Heart Acrylic, in which case, hey. We can discuss it if you win.) Hopefully I'll get a ravelry invitation soon and you can see the goodies for yourself.

SWF ISO perfect cardigan

Remember this?

It's a big ol' pile of Noro Cash Iroha (40% Silk, 30% Lambswool, 20% Cashmere, 10% nylon ) I picked up in Japan. I know exactly what I want to make out of it.
I want a cardigan with these buttons.

The trouble? I'm just not finding the right pattern.
I want a cardigan, but it needs to be knit with absolutely minimal seaming (this is key!) and with some waist shaping. It should fit well on my 34" bust. It should also be relatively plain, because I have a finite amount of yarn (1200 yds), and I don't want the buttons to get lost in a pattern. I'm capable of small adjustments, but I'm just too lazy to do anything major.
I considered a deeply ribbed one from Glampyre, but it involved steeking the entire front. The entire front. I mean, I'm brave, but that's a lot of expensive souvenir yarn. I don't think I can really take that risk.
Of course, I should get off my lazy arse and write the pattern myself.
Instead, I'll get you to do my bidding.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my first blog contest. It begins.....











(wait for it)

















(wait for it)

















NOW!




And it continues until I find just the right pattern. It can be any pattern from any source, as long as it follows the guidelines listed above. I'm willing to buy books, standalone patterns, or even one from you, if you write it yourself (I can dream).
Whoever suggests the pattern I decide to use wins a super awesome surprise from my stash. Perhaps I will even confer with the winner to see what sort of stuffs from my stash they desire. It's just that kind of contest, and just that kind of stash.
Email your suggestions (a link or photo would also be nice) to me at the theoriesofstring in the domain of gmail in the dot com locale. If I choose you, I'll email you back and let you know.



Also, if you'd like to continue the discussion on whether yarn shops should charge for social knitting or not, please email me so I can respond personally. I'm happy to discuss this on a reasonable level. I realize we may have vastly differing opinions, but I will no longer be entertaining personal attacks on my blog.