Sunday, February 26, 2006

Closing Ceremonies

For the last 17 days, I have been hopelessly addicted to the Olympics. Thursday I was at a sports bar, and started screaming when the they changed the channel during the women's figure skating final. It's really a good thing that there's only one set of Olympics every two years. But, after watching the closing ceremonies, I'd like to address a few of the important players in this year's events.

Dear Torino,
Thank you for putting on a good show at the opening and closing ceremonies and being slightly weird. I appreciate that in a city. Your medal is certainly unique, by which I mean looks like a donut. I only wish I could have partied with you in person. Maybe when you bring the shroud back out, I'll come visit you. Until then, you'll just have to hope I have to go to Italy for a conference or something. Of course, I'll be wishing that too.

Dear Joey Cheek,
Thank you. Thank you for existing. Thank you for looking cute, even in tights. Thank you for not taking yourself too seriously. Thank you for not fighting with either Chad Hendrik or Shani Davis. Thank you for giving all your money to charity. Marry me.

Dear Apolo Anton Ohno,
I take back 60% of the bad things I've said about you. However, please, please shave the soul patch. It just looks like pubic hair. Don't do that to yourself.

Dear Bode Miller,
Ha ha.

Dear Dick Button,
You are the John Madden of figure skating. Your insightful comment, "If Joe and Sally Front Porch think they can get up and do this, they've got another think coming," has given me an entirely new perspective on your sport. Thank you.

Dear Snowboarding Team,
No really. How much pot do you smoke?

Dear Sasha Cohen and Tanith Belbin,
I'm sorry you only got silver, but you're still very pretty.

Dear Shani Davis,
I'm very disappointed in you. This should have been about your (admittedly impressive) achievement instead of your bad attitude and catfights with Chad Hendrik. Behave yourself.

Dear Bob Costas,
Go home.

Dear Michelle Kwan, Lindsey Kildow, Zhang Dan, Lydia Ierodiaconou and others,
Ouch. I'm sorry I had to see you injure yourselves terribly on international television. I was screaming with pain in sympathy, but I'm sure that didn't help you one bit. Thanks for trying.

Dear Canada,
See you in four years, eh?

Dear Other Athletes,
Thank you for absorbing all of my attention for the last week and a half. I may be falling drasticly behind on my school work, but at least, for about two more days, I'm extremely well informed on current events. The Olympics really kind of do all that stuff that Visa commercials make me tear up about, but I won't actually admit. Now give me back my life.

4 comments:

Kristine said...

I'll see you tonight at Lula's...
I've got a new sock that I've got to restart- I was knitting with #2 needles, and it was much too large-so I'm going to use #1's, although I might have to go down to #0's. please no! Anyway- this weekend I'm going to Chicago, but we could plan on trying out the machine either another weekend, or sometime after Spring Break... but I'm warning you- I've got no special knowledge about knitting machines. Have you signed onto a list? maybe you can get some general tips for your machine before we try :) anyway- I'll see you tonight, and remind me ho much I owe you for the knit1 magazine

Becky said...

Hey there,
Keep trying the sock thing, you'll get it, I promise! Really, just go down at least one needle size and your socks will fit.
Love your Olympic comments, and I totally concur. The 'mute' button on our remote has been semi-officially renamed the 'BobCostas' button. I think they must pay him by the word, because he just. won't. shut. up...

carol said...

Great, Sarah. We watched it every night and I agree with a lot of your comments...I kind of got personally involved with a few of those people! I enjoy your perspective..

kates said...

Love the letters.