Things I should not have knit.

Now this is a blog. This is a forum for me to share with you the good and bad of my knitting life. Lest you think I'm going to take this opportunity to brag, I will first share with you the bad. It's more fun anyway. And besides, what better way to get to know someone than to revel in their past mistakes?

The Mrs. Clause Sweater
Now, on the surface, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with this sweater. Sure, it's novelty acrylic, but it was my first sweater. I still think I look good in hot pink. I can be forgiven for bad yarn choice, can't I? So when it comes down to it, there is nothing wrong with this sweater. If your name is Mrs. Clause.


The Ugly Sock
Again, technically there is nothing wrong with this composition. I have no problem knitting in the round on dpn. It makes me feel smart. However, I knit the sock right off the ball band pattern without looking at any pictures or seeing any samples. And it's ugly. So ugly I will not make another one. Please understand, this is not a case of One-Sock-itis. I could knit another one if I wanted to. I've knit a complete pair of gloves. I plan to knit a different pair of socks. I simply will not knit this ugly monstrosity again. Two of these do not need to be unleashed upon the world.


Reinvented Intarsia afghan
This is a mistake from my very early knitting days. Do you see what this is a photo of? It was supposed to be an intarsia block afghan. However, I did not take the trouble to really learn what "intarsia" meant. So when I needed to change colors, I cut the yarn. every. single. row. This created bizarre end fringe in the middle of the afghan block.
Why haven't I scrapped this project yet and used the rest of that nice cotton yarn? Because I am compeltely insane, and I've convinced myself that I can do it right from now on, and the first blocks can be salvaged simply by weaving in ends. No problem, right? It's only four ends over 50 rows, twice. It could be done, and for that reason will sit in my stash until the end of time, or I'm so broke I can longer afford even Walmart yarn. Did I also mention the colors are kind of ugly together? And I'm no longer following the original pattern? And I probably don't even have enougn yarn to finish it?

Cabled Itchy Noro Armwarmers of Doom
This is a case of "But it looked cute in the book." In the book, the gradiation of they yarn was subtle and lovely. In the book, the cable pattern showed. In the book, the model was smiling, not scratching her arm with a crazed look on her face. And yet I followed the weirdest cable chart I have ever seen to wind up with ugly armwarms that don't even show the cable pattern. The color is not at all even, and they itch. They itch like allergic reaction meets chicken pox meets "maybe you should see a doctor about that". And I just noticed from the photo they actually make my hand look fat. That's not even fair. But at least there are two of them.


Not making a photo appearance is:
The Incredible Expanding Hat
Now, I love cotton. More importantly, my mother, who gets 78% of all my knitted items, loves cotton. So when my best friend wanted a hat for Christmas, I used the leftover cotton yarn I had. I didn't follow a pattern, I just guessed the circumference of a head, and started knitting, making decreases when I thought appropriate. It worked, for a while. And then she started wearing it. If you don't know, cotton expands. It expands like a sorority girl with an engagement ring. And the hat proceded to expand on my best friend's head, until I'm pretty sure she could have turned it upside down and used it for luggage. I heard no end of it until this year, when she got the replacement hat she wanted. One with ears.

Please, stay tuned. I'm sure I will knit more hideous or useless things in the future. And once in a while, I might even come up with something nice.